Tolerance and freedom


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Finally, we read Part 3 of Zara Barrie’s series all about her journey with pain, self-medication, and healing.

In this post, Zara concludes her story with how to forgive herself and experience true freedom.

If you missed it Parts 1 & 2 Make sure to read it first to get the full story.

However, in today’s post, you’ll learn the importance of forgiving yourself and letting go of any shame. Owning your truth and your story is freedom, says Zara. So let’s get it straight into it.

♡♡♡

When I got my most precious jewel from the truth I was offered in my presence on planet Earth: Feelings can’t kill you, running away from them can, My life, little by little my life began to turn into something much more beautiful than I had ever imagined.

With the help of a therapist I felt safe and connected with, I discovered the life-changing magic that lives within every raw emotion. I learned that feelings are there for a reason other than torturing us because we sweat and play our way through sleepless nights.

Sadness was the first feeling I looked into my eyes.

I’ve spent many years numbing my grief with whatever I can get: booze, drugs, anxiously counting calories, empty sex, menu EndsS – because I was very afraid of what lived underneath. But when our eyes met for the first time, they realized that she was not the demon I was so dreading. She was an angel! And she had it until far away An important message for me. (As long as I indulged in it).

So I let myself feel Sad. I let the mighty dark waves wash my limbs. I cried. I cried deeply all my life from the pent tears that spilled out of me. But most importantly, I am Wire About the sadness that I felt. As I talked about the pain I was experiencing, I began to discover why sadness had been bothering me in my heart all these years.

My heart was burdened with sadness because there were dark and scary things that had happened to me as a teenager that I had shoved away in a lock box that was living deep inside of me. It was a sexual trauma that took my innocence very early in the match. This memory I worked so hard to erase from my mind was extraordinary … Sad. And every time I felt sad – no matter what happened Brought Sadness – I was directly thrown into the arms of my teenage trauma. And me never I wanted to return to that place, so any time I felt a little sad or vulnerable, I turned it off immediately. By running away from these feelings, I will not only be putting my life in danger – I have robbed myself of living a life in line with who I am. It was.

I was born to create. To write. To lead. To connect with others through art. Part of what my grief was trying to tell me was, You need to live a creative life. And you can’t be creative if you are a robot. (Believe me, baby, it is me try to).

After that, it was time to face my anxiety head-on. I’d been caught in a boxing ring with debilitating panic my whole life. Trust me. I’ve tried all the things the wellness posts tell you to try. I meditate religiously. I practiced yoga. She clung to the crystals. no one Succeeded him. Because true wellness is rooted in one thing: truth. You can’t get rid of the trauma. You cannot meditate on your true self far away. And surely, no amount of substandard dogs will ever change your sex life. (Damn it, do I really Try with this). All of these wellness hacks can help keep you grounded for sure, but just like antidepressants, they don’t have the power to wipe out ghosts that magically haunt you and bother you, every second of every day.

And my panic disorder, which was so severe, made me dread the cursed wall texture in my apartment – it was a result of not really possessing my lesbian identity. I’ve been bisexual with my friends for years, but I’ve never been out with myself or anyone around me because I’m, in fact, a hundred percent gay princess.

I think our sexuality is at the very heart of who we are. It is primitive. It’s not something that you can control or control in detail (holy hell, did you stab that too!). And if you are dishonest about the essence of your identity, you will feel anxious. Bad Anxiety. Anxiety is my best friend. It is a toxic and close friendship. These bitches go Everywhere together. And when anxiety and secrets last for too long, the shame begins to be ignored. And the disgrace is Queen B. There’s no party you didn’t invite either.

And once the shame joins the fun, you are tied. You live a lie, rife with anxiety And Bathing in a dirty tub is a shame all at once. You might also throw yourself in the prison cell and throw the key away.

Accepting my sexuality was like taking a pair of screw cutters and launching myself into the world as a free woman for First time. And I wouldn’t feel this pleasant rush of freedom if I hadn’t done the work. If only I did not respect my feelings. Face the trauma. raw. Without drugs. Without leaven. Without actually smacking a nice filter on.

Our quick-fix culture has created an epidemic of self-medication. We are all collectively afraid of feeling uncomfortable. And experience emotions, stare into the barrels of the past, and have the courage to go after something You are You want what society tells you Should Want, which is inconvenient on a large scale. But I swear to Lana Del Rey, there’s gone far into the folds of the most uncomfortable moments in your life.

Discomfort means you grow. This means that things are moving. This means that your life is expanding! This means that you are crawling through the mud and about to reach the other side, which is the side that will make you feel happier, brighter and more vibrant than where you live. Now when I feel uncomfortable I feel grateful. Because I know amazing things will be born out of this great discomfort that I feel! Feeling uncomfortable is what sets my future shine. Show your sparkle Push yourself. When you dig deep inside you and the truth comes out. When you not only feel your feelings but accept them. I say, damn your feelings like the rock star you’ve been craving since you were a teenager! Because to live a bright life, is to be alive. get up. And to be truly, Completely Wake up to allow yourself not only to feel joyful, but feelings that are horrific, confusing, and complicated as well. Otherwise, you are sleeping through life. And as someone who sleeps walking through a decade, let me tell you, dear: It’s an empty existence. you deserve more.

In all honesty, for me, it wasn’t all about vigilance from the material. It was about waking up to lies and waking up to the truth. For some time I have been using drugs and alcohol as an emotional aid. But here’s the thing: First aid isn’t designed to last forever. You can continue to cover up the wound – you can take all the pills in the world to keep yourself from feeling a brutal wound bite – but in the end, the wound is bound to become infected. Mine definitely did. In fact, the infection made its way into my bloodstream and made me a sick person for a while. But when I finally tore that bandage off and let myself feel the burn and dared to stare at the damage done, I began to recover. It was a very deep wound, so I still have to take care of it. He’s still at risk of being infected. It also left me a giant scar. But I am not ashamed of that scar. I rock. I rock it like I’m wearing my huge, quilted Chanel bag that I found at a flea flea store! I think the scar Beautiful. Because unlike above, I find anything real – even if it’s flawed, bloody, embarrassing, new, and weird – to truly be, really Beautiful.

♡♡♡

I really hope you liked this series from Zara. It is very important for me to share other women’s stories on my platform and I am very grateful to Zara for taking the time to write these pieces for us.

Q, Lauren

+ Get to know Zara better and check out her interview Here.

++ In case you missed the domain Part 1 & 2 Zara’s trip.

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